I hate watching people suffer. I especially hate watching people suffer because of their own choices. And of course, the worst is watching people I love suffer because of making bad choices.
My ex-boyfriend is one of those. I know which of his choices really hurt him, and he is continuing to make them. Things that he’s told me before are changes he absolutely has to make because his spiritual health depends on it (and he was desperate to make a change) he now blows off. Other choices that fuel a hidden addiction of his that has the potential to ruin his life (and I don’t say that lightly) are being made in a cavalier fashion that breaks my heart because he knows that it’s the worst thing he can possibly do for himself.
There’s nothing I can do. He’s my ex-boyfriend. We still have mutual friends so I still see him and I see the choices he’s making. He’s the kind of person who would be perfect for me… except that he has an addiction he’s not dealing with, makes extremely harmful choices in relationships, is so stubborn that he’s self-destructive, and runs away from his problems.
I guess that means he’s not perfect for me. But I want him to be. I want him to get over his problems and get better so he can be perfect for me. It’s killing me to not be able to fix him. I know I can’t – I’m totally aware. But I can’t come to terms with it. I don’t know how to know that he’s sick and making things worse for himself and on a road spiraling down and how not to do anything about it. How to let it go. How to “just” pray for him and trust that God will do the work.