Trying to Be a Good Person…

… to myself as well as others.

My ex-boyfriend’s relatively new Spanish girlfriend is visiting this week and I will likely run into them at mutual friends’ events.

I want her to either be extremely unattractive, to have a terrible time, to break up with him badly, and to decide he’s not good enough. I’m trying to pray for her and psych myself up to be really welcoming.

I want for him to realize that she’s not good enough, that I was the woman for him, that he’ll never find someone as wonderful as me. I’m trying to want what is best for him.

The problem is that this is so tied up in my self-worth. I know in my head that my worth is not defined by whether I have a boyfriend or husband or not. I know in my head that my worth comes from God. I know in my head that someone who is married or in a relationship is not better than me, just different. I know in my head that just because he does more thoughtful things for her than he did for me, that does not mean I am worse or not as valuable. I know in my head that it probably has more to do with where he was and is.

Why am I not able to get my feelings to understand all these things I know in my head?


One Response to Trying to Be a Good Person…

  1. contoveros says:

    You got the right feelings but the wrong question.
    You’re vulnerable, hurt and in a position now to look deeper inside for that child who has such resilency, she can take a licking but keep on ticking.

    Acknowledge where you are at right now and live with it. Stay in the present, though. Avoid thoughts of the past as well as worries for the future.

    You’ll find that the kid inside of you can still get joy from the little things in her life.

    Your post touched me, and I felt inspired to write you.

    Good luck.

    michael j

    Conshohocken, PA USA

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