I’m the Nothing

That’s how I’m feeling right now.

My sister and her husband bought a house last year, have fixed it up, and just had a baby.

My brother is getting married.

My parents are so excited about those things – and they are exciting celebrations. But I’m the nothing. I feel like their conversations must go like this:

“Oh, and X just had a baby! We’re so excited!! And Y is getting married! We’re so excited!! And Z? She’s fine.”

It’s even worse that I’m the oldest. I’m supposed to do these things first. In addition, both my siblings have exciting jobs. They are both professional artists – a photographer and a musician. My parents are always emailing around the photographs and the music samples and the photos being published and the music gigs, and rightly so. But again, I’m the nothing.

They’ve forgotten to call me back and email me back lately because they’re so excited about what’s going on with my siblings. They told me.

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4 Responses to I’m the Nothing

  1. Stephi says:

    I can really identify with this- my younger sister is about to get her masters at 25. She’s going to work in Europe next year. She’s planning on doing humanitarin work in Africa. As for me, if you had to ask my poor parents they’d say, “She’s better, not 100%”
    They are just being typical parents- it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. You may not think so but your experience has made you stronger than you know. You will get your moment to shine. In the meantime be as involved as you can in all the family successes. You get to be the cool aunt to your neice/ nephew (with the added benefit of handing the baby back to your parents once you’ve had enough). Go to all the gigs/ exhibitions you can. And when your parents need help with someone you can be the hero because everyone else will the to busy- that will give them something to brag about!.

    All the best…. 🙂

  2. Krissy says:

    I identify with this. I’m the oldest and I know my sister finds me a disappointment. She’s on her second house, married, an airline pilot – I think she’s a captain now. She worked through college and got done with it early. She has her dream job. I often refer to myself as the family failure – senior year college dropout due to combination of ambition and depression, data entry job, no relationship, friends I rarely if ever see, living at home once again and in debt. I know my parents don’t consider me a failure nor do they think I’m lacking. I just *know* I am. I also don’t know how to change that and accept the accomplishments I have made. The only photo my mom has of me is my high school senior picture but there’s an entire book from my sister’s wedding last year plus pictures of her parents (deceased) and my sister and brother-in-law. I just hope and pray it’s gets easier on me. And now you. 🙂

    • broken saint says:

      Thanks for sharing – I wish it didn’t feel like that for anyone else but at the same time, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I’ll be praying for you too.

  3. Krissy says:

    Thanks. I know I wouldn’t wish what I’ve gone through and will go through on my worst enemy, but I know there are all too many people who do suffer from it and many who are ashamed about it or feel like no one understands. It’s one of the reasons why I babble in my blog sometimes. It’s one of the reasons I first started a livejournal. I want(ed) people to know that they are not alone, even in the crazy thoughts that healthy people find impossible to believe that they believe are true. *shrug* I actually tend to write blog posts in my head driving home from work or laying in bed – but with 10 hour workdays plus a commute I rarely get them actually posted. I should – but I also know people don’t care about what I write so I don’t always bother. *shrug* Another vicious cycle.

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