…is that I forget. For example, the nightmares I talked about. I’ve sort of forgotten that I used to have nightmares and I certainly forget that I’ve been healed from it. I lose hope about other things and write them off as things that will never be fixed, my prayers will never be listened to. For example, I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping. A LOT of trouble. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve seen doctors over and over. It doesn’t seem to be getting better. I’m tempted to believe it won’t and can’t ever get better.
I think it would be easier if I could explain it. If I could say “Oh, it’s this one factor that stopped the nightmares (or the depression),” then I would know what did it, I would be able to know that I didn’t have to worry about it coming back, and I would know what to do next time I had a problem. I hate things that I can’t explain. I have no idea what to do and how to fix this. I guess part of that is faith, and there is beauty and mystery to that, but most of the time I’d rather have something I can explain.