I got two more announcements in the mail today: a college roommate is getting married and a college friend just had a baby. I want to be happy for them. I really do. But I’m not. At all. I can’t help but think this makes me a selfish person, or even a “bad” person. I’m just so sick of other people having things to celebrate – big public things that everyone’s happy about. Things that invite parties and gift registries and people traveling and loud congratulations. I have good things too but nothing like that.
I feel selfish. I don’t even know if I want children but it hurts every time someone says that they’re pregnant because they have something else to celebrate. This isn’t who I want to be but it just feels so unfair.
It feels so silly, but I want someone to throw me a party. I want to be able to register for gifts – not because I want the gifts, but because I want to be celebrated.