And she is *very* different than Solomon but still pretty wonderful.
I love my church and it feels very much like a family. However, lately I’ve been feeling like the unwanted stepchild of that family. Not me personally but where I am in life. My church is better than many others but I’ve noticed something in American Christianity – there’s not a lot of room for singles. If any of you are single and going to church, you’re probably not surprised by that. The American Church is very family-oriented, sometimes I think to its detriment. There are events for mothers, and fathers, and families, and couples. My church doesn’t tend to do the singles thing, which I’m not sure I’d even like. I guess my question is more about why we need to divide everything up like that. Sometimes it makes sense logistically, but not nearly as much as we do.
It’s gotten to the point where my friends who are couples talk about needing to focus on their “couple friends.” My friends with kids talk about needing more friends with kids and not having time for friends without kids. The kids don’t bother me any, so why are people limiting themselves like that? I know it’s important to have people you can relate to and who share the same struggles but I really don’t think the church should be that stratified.
I saw in the bulletin yesterday an announcement for young couples to have lunch all together and learn about “couples’ events” in the church. I was probably angrier than the situation warranted but I wasn’t the only one. One friend said, “What isn’t a couples’ event at church?”
My two big questions are:
1. Why does the body of Christ need to be divided up among demographic lines?
2. Why is the body of Christ one of the major contributors (right up there with Cosmo) to me feeling like I need to be in a romantic relationship to be whole?
And we wonder why young people are becoming disillusioned with the church!
There’s a lot of shame around this topic for me. There’s a lot of things that added up to me getting myself pretty deeply in debt. College expenses and parents who said they’d pay and didn’t. Poor spending/saving/all financial habits – really a pattern in my family. And depression, always depression. Never being able to think clearly, but always being in that fog where I literally couldn’t see straight. I couldn’t and didn’t make good decisions, I got so overwhelmed in stores that I would buy whatever was in front of me instead of thinking about if I needed it, or I would spend money on things that I thought would make me feel better. Then, as I started coming out of the depression, I still couldn’t think about this. It was too big and felt like dark clouds were enveloping me. I just tried not to think about it, which didn’t make anything better.
I’m finally beginning to deal with it. That’s all I can write for now, because it’s still incredibly overwhelming and feels incredibly shameful. But I’m beginning.