Debt

There’s a lot of shame around this topic for me.  There’s a lot of things that added up to me getting myself pretty deeply in debt.  College expenses and parents who said they’d pay and didn’t.  Poor spending/saving/all financial habits – really a pattern in my family.  And depression, always depression.  Never being able to think clearly, but always being in that fog where I literally couldn’t see straight.  I couldn’t and didn’t make good decisions, I got so overwhelmed in stores that I would buy whatever was in front of me instead of thinking about if I needed it, or I would spend money on things that I thought would make me feel better.  Then, as I started coming out of the depression, I still couldn’t think about this.  It was too big and felt like dark clouds were enveloping me.  I just tried not to think about it, which didn’t make anything better.

I’m finally beginning to deal with it.  That’s all I can write for now, because it’s still incredibly overwhelming and feels incredibly shameful.  But I’m beginning.

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8 Responses to Debt

  1. Stephi says:

    I know the feelings of shame that surrounds being in debt- right now I owe money in three different countries! ( at least you didn’t do THAT!) And I have a whole lot medical bills that my Dad was supposed to pay for but didn’t- he took money that was meant for my MRI and used it for something else. And I have now been blacklisted because of it. Some of the debt wasn’t my fault but most of it was and it was all because I was trying to live up to an ideal that didn’t even exist.

    You have got to realise that there are literally millions of people out there that are in the same position- some in an even worse position- than us. For a long time I stuck my head in the sand because I was too ashamed and to frightened to deal with the problem. But it continued to get bigger and bigger.

    At least now you have started to deal with it. It may be scary but once you have worked out a way to pay this off you will feel so much better. Just imagine the day when you will be debt- free! 🙂

    Best of luck to you x

  2. Natasha says:

    I can emphathize with your feelings & situation in many respects.
    Depression (in recovery process)- check.
    Debt- check.
    Family history of bad money management- check.

    Just wanted to give a shout-out so you’d know you’re definitely not alone in facing this. The fact that you are beginning to be able to deal with it is encouraging! 🙂

  3. I feel for you. My husband and I graduated from University with a lot of debt and it felt crippling. It was all I could think of. Fortunately, we worked as a team to pay it all off. I can’t even imagine how you must feel facing something like this on your own. Take care and see if someone can help you make a plan to get through this.

  4. Julie says:

    Bron, even if that’s all you could write so far, I’m proud of you! It’s hard to take even baby steps into things that seem overwhelming but you’re doing it! I’ve always thought that I wished there were more support groups for this sort of thing, for people *not* to feel ashamed and alone but to support and plan and celebrate small victories together. You can do it!!

  5. star says:

    Aw, you’re not alone. Most of what you wrote could have been from my own story. Here i am, married with kids, and my mother wants to help us buy a house because we’re in debt from all kinds of stuff. (And she’s the total depression-shopaholic!) I feel like such a loser sometimes, like I’m still a child that needs taking care of.
    Luckily these days I’m too depressed to enjoy shopping, let alone leave my house. Haha.
    Best of luck to you.
    =)

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