Couples’ Events

I love my church and it feels very much like a family.  However, lately I’ve been feeling like the unwanted stepchild of that family.  Not me personally but where I am in life.  My church is better than many others but I’ve noticed something in American Christianity – there’s not a lot of room for singles.  If any of you are single and going to church, you’re probably not surprised by that.  The American Church is very family-oriented, sometimes I think to its detriment.  There are events for mothers, and fathers, and families, and couples.  My church doesn’t tend to do the singles thing, which I’m not sure I’d even like.  I guess my question is more about why we need to divide everything up like that.  Sometimes it makes sense logistically, but not nearly as much as we do.

It’s gotten to the point where my friends who are couples talk about needing to focus on their “couple friends.”  My friends with kids talk about needing more friends with kids and not having time for friends without kids.  The kids don’t bother me any, so why are people limiting themselves like that?  I know it’s important to have people you can relate to and who share the same struggles but I really don’t think the church should be that stratified.

I saw in the bulletin yesterday an announcement for young couples to have lunch all together and learn about “couples’ events” in the church.  I was probably angrier than the situation warranted but I wasn’t the only one.  One friend said, “What isn’t a couples’ event at church?”

My two big questions are:

1. Why does the body of Christ need to be divided up among demographic lines?

2. Why is the body of Christ one of the major contributors (right up there with Cosmo) to me feeling like I need to be in a romantic relationship to be whole?


And we wonder why young people are becoming disillusioned with the church!


3 Responses to Couples’ Events

  1. Stephi says:

    I hear you on this one sista. And no, it is not only the churches in America- I’ve lived in three countries and it was all there to. Generally I have found that marriage is more promoted in the church than anywhere else (even wedding magazines) and once you get passed all the spiritual, romantic stuff everyone knows it is to avoid sexual sin or “burning with desire”.

    Anyway, to answer your questions these are my opinions:
    1) God always needs to be the center of a christian marriage and family therefore the church will always be active in providing resources and support to couples and fellowship is extremely important so hence all the “young mothers pray group” and “couple’s dinner” stuff.

    2) I think I might have just answered the 2nd question with the first…marriage is extremely important because of what it represents and is therefore heavily promoted by the church. I do think this is becoming a problem though- to me couples seem to be getting married way to young. And wasn’t it Paul who said it is better to remain unmarried?.

    Those are just my opinions…. hope it shed some light.

    • broken saint says:

      I do think the couples are important. I just don’t want them to be important at my expense, you know? It sounds a little immature, but I want to be important too!!!

    • Married and Single says:

      Your feelings are definitely with merit. I am a person who is in the midst of a struggling marriage and I share many of your feelings. I struggle with all of the marriage/couples-focused events. There is a “quiet” suffering that lives throughout the church that tend to stay hidden. On Sunday morning – everything looks “perfect”. Everyone has it all together. But this is far from the truth. You are right – why can’t singles who are struggling be supported by and encouraged by married people who are struggling? We all are struggling, whether we want to admit it openly or not. I pray that He will bring peace in your heart. Though I am married and you are single, we both are seeking the same God for peace and hope.

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