Just Take a Hot Bath

July 22, 2011

As I’ve been feeling better, I’ve been appreciating certain things more often.  I went to a lake on a hot day and floated in the water by myself.  I got a new pillow and am totally enjoying the softness and comfort of it.  For some reason, it’s reminding me of some “strategies” that people used to give me when I was really depressed.  I was often told to take a hot bath because that would make me feel better.  There were other suggestions too but that’s the one that sticks in my head for some reason.

I think these people meant well but they obviously had no idea what bad condition I was in.  I was desperately trying to keep myself going, while I wanted to die, I wanted be erased, I wanted to never have existed.  I was considering electroshock therapy.  A bath just wasn’t going to do it.

I know it’s hard to understand if you haven’t been there.  It’s even hard for me to understand now when I’m not in that place – it’s hard to remember.  But it’s a bit like asking someone to fight AIDS with an aspirin.


Just For Today…

July 4, 2011

I am feeling content with my life.  I feel like God probably knows what’s best for me, that I am happy single or not, and that I don’t have to be afraid of anything.  Right this minute I am not dreading my depression coming back and I feel like I have an OK future.

 

I don’t know how long this will last, so I just wanted to capture the moment.