Another Vacation

I had another vacation and it was another miracle.  Not just because vacations are incredible and fantastic and rejuvenating.  Not even just because this vacation was truly a gift from God, as I didn’t have the money to go but ended up with miles and a free place to stay in Playa del Carmen (near Cancun, and far more beautiful because it’s not so Vegas-y).  But also because, as I mentioned here, I have been in paradise on vacation and been suicidal.  Like I mentioned in the other post – being depressed on vacation really brings it home that the problem was with ME.

It wasn’t the weather; the weather was incredible, sunny, warm, and absolutely ideal for me.

It wasn’t the surroundings: warm ocean, snorkeling, beautiful fish, tropical flowers, white beach.

It wasn’t the company: my brother is my favorite person in my family and easiest to get along with (aside from my baby niece and now my sister-in-law)

It wasn’t anything external.  It was me.  And it felt like even more of a waste than depression usually seems to be because I wanted so badly to be enjoying the weather, food, company, and activities.  And I wasn’t just not enjoying it – I was actively miserable.  I was thinking about wanting to be dead.

So, this vacation was an incredible gift.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: