I’ve been thinking a lot lately (which can be a dangerous thing).
I keep trying to be OK with being single and it keeps being hard to do. Which is a little strange because I really do know how hard relationships are and how it is very very easy to feel more lonely in a relationship than out of one. But sometimes, I just really miss having that one person who I come first for, who knows me really well, who seems like the perfect match for me (even if I find out later that he really wasn’t).
I have so many things going for me. I have really incredible friends. God has blessed me with a fantastic community and that’s something that a lot of people would really like to have. I have been self-employed for over 5 years now and am still making a living at it! Things are going well. But it’s hard to be single.
I keep wanting to not idealize relationships and marriage – I’ve been miserable and depressed in relationships and happy outside them. I also want very much to trust God and believe that he has what is best for me in store. But it’s something I just keep struggling with.