But this time I know why. I’ve been going out with a very nice man (about five dates now). It’s kind of a funny combination of being set up by a friend and by the internet, in that my housemate decided I should date this friend of hers (or rather, that she should introduce us and we could naturally see if anything developed) and then a couple weeks later, he showed up on my match.com profile, figured out I was his friend’s housemate, read my profile and told me all the things about it that he liked, etc.
This man is VERY nice. He pays for my dinners, he tells me how much he’s looking forward to seeing me, he is respectful, he holds doors open, he works around my odd hours and comes to where I am to have dinner. I think he shares my faith and he definitely shares my values. He’s also pretty introverted, which is hard for me because I am more comfortable with people who let you know what they are feeling at all times – those people often annoy me but I’m more comfortable with them.
Also, I take a long time to get to know people. A long time. Even in friendships. Most of my best friends were not people I liked when I first met them (sorry, guys — it’s me, not you). When I think about the dating relationships I’ve been in, I didn’t like the people right away. I wasn’t attracted to them right away. It took a long time. The difference — and I think what is stressing me out — is that those were friends who I saw naturally and so when I was getting to know them I wasn’t worrying about if I should date them. This time I am.
My housemate said something that actually helped. She pointed out that I can say no easily but I can’t say yes easily. It’s easy for me to write someone off – there’s many deal breakers for me. If there aren’t any, and someone seems like they might be a good fit, it’s a lot harder to say yes and takes me a lot longer.
I’m not sure why I’m expecting different things from myself – this is how I’ve always been! But I feel like something’s wrong with me for not having made up my mind. And dating causes me anxiety – a LOT of anxiety. Walking through the anxiety and all those therapy-ish things that people say is NOT COMFORTABLE. But I’m doing it. Hopefully that will be worth something because it is really hard.
Also, there may be something to think about in the fact that a really nice man causes me so much anxiety. Sometimes being a human is just hard.