More Anxiety

But this time I know why. I’ve been going out with a very nice man (about five dates now). It’s kind of a funny combination of being set up by a friend and by the internet, in that my housemate decided I should date this friend of hers (or rather, that she should introduce us and we could naturally see if anything developed) and then a couple weeks later, he showed up on my match.com profile, figured out I was his friend’s housemate, read my profile and told me all the things about it that he liked, etc.

This man is VERY nice. He pays for my dinners, he tells me how much he’s looking forward to seeing me, he is respectful, he holds doors open, he works around my odd hours and comes to where I am to have dinner. I think he shares my faith and he definitely shares my values. He’s also pretty introverted, which is hard for me because I am more comfortable with people who let you know what they are feeling at all times – those people often annoy me but I’m more comfortable with them.

Also, I take a long time to get to know people. A long time. Even in friendships. Most of my best friends were not people I liked when I first met them (sorry, guys — it’s me, not you). When I think about the dating relationships I’ve been in, I didn’t like the people right away. I wasn’t attracted to them right away. It took a long time. The difference — and I think what is stressing me out — is that those were friends who I saw naturally and so when I was getting to know them I wasn’t worrying about if I should date them. This time I am.

My housemate said something that actually helped. She pointed out that I can say no easily but I can’t say yes easily. It’s easy for me to write someone off – there’s many deal breakers for me. If there aren’t any, and someone seems like they might be a good fit, it’s a lot harder to say yes and takes me a lot longer.

I’m not sure why I’m expecting different things from myself – this is how I’ve always been! But I feel like something’s wrong with me for not having made up my mind. And dating causes me anxiety – a LOT of anxiety. Walking through the anxiety and all those therapy-ish things that people say is NOT COMFORTABLE. But I’m doing it. Hopefully that will be worth something because it is really hard.

Also, there may be something to think about in the fact that a really nice man causes me so much anxiety. Sometimes being a human is just hard.

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4 Responses to More Anxiety

  1. Betty says:

    Is awesome that you are dating someone now, Broken Saint! Five dates already and he is a NICE guy??? This sounds too good to be true! Is that what is causing your anxiety? You just need to learn to let go and LIVE LIFE! Enen if doing so is challenging and tough and may expose you to vulnerabilities and getting hurt. Is there anything about him or the relationship that you don’t like? You have said in the past that you will be open to whatever God brings and his timeline. You just need to allow yourself to be open to it again now. Be more willing to say “yes” than “no.” Open your heart a little. God can work wonderous things. Being introverted is not a bad thing. You may eventually find gems inside!

    • broken saint says:

      not sure if i’m ready to say “dating someone” because that sounds very scary. And it’s moving very very slow. Nothing I don’t like except the anxiety that comes from the process!

      • Betty says:

        Don’t think of it as “dating” It’s more like getting to know someone. At the very least, you have hopefully made a new friend. Simply enjoy your time together and see where it leads.

  2. Betty says:

    I’m glad you are going through this process. It’s okay that you are taking your time. And it is okay it is causing you some anxiety. Just don’t rush with things. I’m glad you took the time to share the our thoughts. Trust yourself on this one step at a time.

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