Tired of Grieving

I miss my ex so much. SO MUCH. And friends have tried to explain to me that I’m better off without someone who can’t handle being in a relationship (I think he left because being alone felt safer, but honestly, I got so little closure that I don’t really know). And that doesn’t help.

I had a really weird dream last night, or actually early this morning right before I woke up. I dreamed that I was snorkeling with cobras. And it was terrifying, so I woke up afraid, but then somehow it got me thinking about the good snorkeling experiences I’ve had…. all of the latest ones being with him. And we loved snorkeling together. We would hold hands while snorkeling and squeeze the other person’s hand when we saw a really good fish. Sometimes he would get really excited about a fish and sort of wave his hands around. We went to Hawaii twice and Puerto Rico once and each time had amazing snorkeling experiences. We usually snorkeled in the morning, and then we would take hot showers or go in the hot tub and talk about all the cool things we saw: the coral and the fish and the sea turtles.

I miss him so much. I’m not sure if it would be better if I had more closure or not, but I’ll never know.

It’s more than losing him as a person. It’s the rejection – him walking away and I don’t know why. It’s the loss of a dream – we did really well together and we loved traveling together. It’s not having someone in my life who knows me in the way he knew me; who I didn’t have to explain things to.

I miss him so much and I’m so tired of grieving. It goes away eventually, right?

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2 Responses to Tired of Grieving

  1. Betty says:

    Thanks so much for sharing. I always appreciate your honesty. It is so real and refreshing. I understand your missing your ex. It’s missing your best friend and someone who knows you so well. It’s missing someone you can be with all the time and that understands you without talking. I think you should try talking to him to get closure. Maybe he misses you, too. Maybe he got scared off but also misses the time together with you. I hope he will give you a second chance.

  2. broken saint says:

    Thanks for understanding.

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