I finished a big deadline, and was working way too much, up until bedtime, every day including weekends. It was exhausting and not ideal but there was also a purpose to it. I felt like I was useful and doing something productive.
I met the deadline and am back to normal amounts of work and feel… like something is missing. I thought I’d feel relieved but I don’t. Instead, I feel less worthy somehow (does that even make sense?) Like working is a useful thing to do but I don’t deserve free relaxation time. In the back of my mind somewhere there’s a feeling about being single and childless… if I don’t have a partner or children to spend time with, I should be doing something else productive.
I don’t know how to explain this better. Something about me by myself is not worth enough so I need to be working? I don’t even understand it myself!