I was worried about Christmas. I’ve been worried about Christmas for the last few years since the breakup. It’s been really hard to be alone during holidays and I’ve spent quite a bit of it feeling sorry for myself, as well as alone, hopeless, etc. I’ve been invited to friends’ family celebrations, and I feel so fortunate to have that option, but I don’t want to feel like a stray dog being invited in.
This Christmas started that way. I started feeling incredibly sorry for myself and angry at my siblings whose in-laws made it so that we couldn’t do Christmas Day together, just Christmas Eve. At the last minute, I decided to embrace it. Fortunately I live in California and it was gorgeous and sunny, if cold.
I decided to take an amazing hike down the edge of where San Francisco hits the ocean. it was incredibly beautiful. I sat and watched the ocean for over an hour, watching the power of the waves. I just couldn’t get enough.
Three days later, I still feel peace from that time spent in front of the ocean. The salt spray on my face, the rumbling and roar of the waves, and the sunshine reflecting off the water were what my soul needed.
It turns out that the solo Christmas was EXACTLY what I needed.