In Our Right Minds

February 24, 2019

Wow. Please read this.

The “in my right mind” part was chilling to me. That’s what depression does. We’re not in our right minds.

A Breakthrough

February 17, 2019

Are you guys ready for a major breakthrough?


Here it is:


I’m happy being single right now.


This is huge. I mean, HUGE. I don’t know if it’ll last and am not entirely sure why it’s happened, but at this moment in time, on a Saturday night no less, I am happy being alone in my house and unpartnered.


When Nature Documentaries are Too Sad

February 6, 2019

I can tell when my depression is “acting up” (acting up seems like such a benign term for your own brain telling you it’s better to not be alive, doesn’t it?) because I get sad about everything. Everything.

Today I was watching a documentary about animals in Africa, while I was doing something else. I love animals so perhaps it’s not surprising that I identified a little too much with the animals and what they were going through but it was clear that my depression was affecting my view.

First, I saw that the lion cubs who were born white instead of tan had a better chance of being found and killed by other grown lions, and I had trouble continuing to do what I was supposed to be doing because I was so sad about that.

Then those same white lion cubs took down an injured water buffalo and that just about wrecked me. The water buffalo knew it was coming and was trying to hide in the water so the lions wouldn’t get him, but he was getting weak and hungry and couldn’t fight back when they finally came to get him. He just made these sort of buffalo whimpering noises.

At this point, I could feel the sadness in my body – heavy in my chest. I felt weighed down and had the dread that comes with major grief. I felt like nothing would ever be OK again and like the color was draining from the world around me. I found myself curling up into the fetal position because the sadness was so physical.

Because of a nature documentary.

It’s passed and I feel better right now. I mostly feel silly for getting so worked up about a nature documentary, and the physical sensations are fading. Tomorrow I may not remember how much this affected me. But it did and I need to pay attention.