I’m having a hard time relaxing. That will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me or knows anything about me, but it’s becoming a problem. Or maybe it has been a problem and is becoming more of one.
I am self-employed so I work as much as I can, for a couple of reasons. First of all, that’s how I make money, and the more I work, the more I make. I live in an area that is really expensive and I love to travel so I work as much as I can when I’m able.
Secondly, and this is the real problem, I don’t feel like I’m worth anything if Im not being productive. I dont’ have a partner and I don’t have kids, so I feel like I myself am pointless if I’m not working.
I really do see what a sad statement that is, to be relaxed or to have down time is to be worthless. But I feel it. And I know this goes back to not feeling like I’m good enough by myself. I don’t know how to change that.
And I know this isn’t good for me, to feel this way. But I still try to schedule my life down to the minute because down time is frightening.